Updated: Jan 9, 2020
This is what healing looks like for me. For a long time I had this idea that one day I would heal from past hurt, somewhere magical...like in the desert or in between mountains. I imagined that it would happen when we are living on the road full time.
I had no idea it would happen while letting go of material things that I have held onto for so long.
Life is calling me to let go of things much quicker than I had anticipated. She is pushing me past my comfort zone and I know that it’s now or never. So, I find myself shedding all that no longer serves me and in this, I am healing. I have found the magical place within me and today it caused me to stop and write a letter to my mother. ⠀⠀
Translated from its original version in Spanish:
I was going to ask for forgiveness for the following but I know that it's not necessary because where you are right now none of this matters anymore and I am confident that if you had the opportunity to speak to me today, you would tell me to go live my life with happiness and doing the things that bring me peace before its my time to go.
See, I was going to ask you to forgive me for letting go of things that once belonged to you. Things that for years you held on to just in case you needed them "one day", but we both know that "one day" never came.
And here I find myself surrounded by buttons and zippers...fabrics and threads...things that I don't need and don't plan on using but I have held on to because not that long ago you held them in your hands and touching them today is a reminder that only 5 years ago you still existed.
And today...today, I find myself with the strength to let them go and gift them to someone who will use them and will appreciate them because I want my destiny to be different.
I know you would tell me that material objects have no value compared to time.
I know you would tell me not to hold on to, not even for one more day, anything that was preventing me from living the life of my dreams. I know you would tell me to do whatever it takes to live with peace and happiness. I know you would tell me that our time together was short. I know that you would tell me that if you could do it all over again, you would spend more time with the people you loved most, collecting memories and forgiving more often.
I know this because that is what I will tell my son. I know this because what a mother wants most for her children is their peace, health and happiness.
I adore you, mama. Thank you for everything.
Original version written in Spanish:
te iba pedir perdone por lo siguiente pero se que no es necesario...porque adonde estas ahora nada de esto es importante y vivo con la confianza que si estuvieras la oportunidad de hablar conmigo hoy, me dirás que viva con felicidad y haciendo lo que me trae paz antes de que me muera. ⠀
Te iba pedir perdon por desacérame de cosas que eran tuyas. Cosas que por años guardaste “por si un día” pero ya sabemos que ese día nunca llegó. ⠀⠀
Y aquí me encuentro con botones y cierra duras...telas y ovillos...cosas que no necesito y no pienso usar pero las e guardo por que un día las tenias tu en tus manos y tocándolas me hace acordar que tú todavía existías hace solo 5 años atrás. ⠀
Y hoy...hoy me encuentro con la fortaleza de poder regalarlas a alguien que le de uso y que las aprecie por que quiero que mi destino sea diferente. ⠀⠀
Se que me dirías que las cosa materiales no tiene valor comparado al tiempo.
Se que me dirías que no guarde, ni un día mas, todas las cosas que me previenen vivir la vida de mis sueños. Se que me dirías que haga lo que tengo que hacer para vivir con paz y felicidad. Se que me dirías que el tiempo que pasamos juntas fue corto. Se que me dirías que si lo pudieras volver hacer, pasarías más tiempo con los seres queridos, colectando memorias y perdonando más. ⠀⠀
Lo sé por que es lo que le diré a mi hijo. Lo sé por que lo mas que una madre quiere para sus hijos es paz, salud y felicidad. ⠀⠀
Te adoro, mamá. Gracias por todo.