Updated: Jun 30, 2020
“Jam”, Alexis says, “you need to get rid of more stuff.” I look around our cozy little home and wonder how much more I can let go of before I have a panic attack. Haven't I already spent most of the entire year decluttering, donating and purging?
What we have left in our home are things we need...or at least that’s what I tell myself.
I admit that in the past few months I have felt deeply connected with our home and with this land. It wasn't something I expected would happen but there is a certain magic that lingers here. It invites you to stay and make yourself at home. During this time, I have also met wonderful women who I am honored to call my friends and even found a homeschool co-op that I love. These women have become my tribe. How do I let this go?
When we first moved here, I didn't know what to expect. I thought I might become depressed because I didn't have any stay at home mom friends in this area. Also, I'm a bit of an introvert so I anticipated that finding a tribe was going to be challenging.
I put myself out there though, I did it for our son, Jaya.
As a new homeschooling mama, I was stressing about his social skills and homeschooling was getting lonely. I know better now but I was new to the game then. I was also worried about how the move had affected Jaya and so I did everything I possibly could to make the space nice for him. A place he would love and want to be in.
I put my shyness aside and I began making weekly rounds to the local library for story time, showing up at all the parks and even started sitting outside our home and talking to anyone who was with a child...actually, talking to anyone that would pass by and wanted to chat. I met so many people this way! We now check in on our elderly neighbors weekly, have neighbors who give us fruits from their trees, sit on our porch in the evenings and chat with everyone who passes by and have even been offered free piano lessons for Jaya!
I stepped out of my comfort zone and magic happened!
I found these amazing people who I get to call friends now! People who I see weekly and who I genuinely love! Our children have become friends and I have watched my son blossom in their presence! An accepting and supportive tribe...how do I walk away?
I don't like to think about it. The plan was to renovate an airstream and go, not to make this space a home and find forever friends.
I look around our home and I remind myself not to feel attached to certain things. I try to excite myself with airstream renovation blogs or different wallpaper samples that might work but the truth is that this is harder than I thought. I have connected in a short time to people I truly love and so has Jaya.
I wonder about how I will connect with others on the road or how we will deal with having to leave places we love but can't stay in. Isn't that part of life though? Nothing is forever, right?
Part of me wants to stay and build a strong commUNITY, in Miami, a place that sometimes lacks one. Motherhood can be lonely sometimes and choosing to stay at home and homeschool adds to that loneliness in ways unimaginable but if you're fortunate enough to find your tribe, it doesn't have to be. It's become a passion of mine to help other mamas find their way on a similar journey.
Another part of me looks forward to the challenge of detachment and letting go. I don't want material things to carry so much weight anymore. I don't want to hold on tight to things that I will eventually one day leave behind because in the end, those things I clutch onto so tightly really have a hold on me.
I want to get comfortable with the unknown and get lost in finding myself.
“Jam”, he says, “we can come back if you really miss it here,” but my gypsy soul is already dreaming of dancing in the desert, howling at the moon and wishing to see the world.
“Yes,” I reply, “I know” and I remind myself, in the words of Franz Kafka,
Everything you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.
How have you stepped out of your comfort zone lately? Comment below and let us know! Haven't? Well, maybe its time! We challenge you to do one thing that scares you and tell us about it! You can do it!